Parody of “One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer”: $3 Meal Deal

Jan 17, 2026 12:58 PM EST, Sat

With apologies to George Thorogood, a parody of “One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer”.

  • Affordable, healthy eating: New guidelines for all
    by Brooke L. Rollins, opinion contributor - 01/14/26 12:30 PM ET
    USDA’s Food and Nutrition Service conducted thousands of meal simulations, and the results are clear: Eating healthy can cost as little as $3.00 per meal.

🎸 $3 Meal Blues

(An original full-length parody blues track) “One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer” 🎶 Chorus I said, one chicken piece, one broccoli, one tortilla… That’s what they tell me makes a meal. But when I rang it up at checkout, Lord, the price just didn’t feel real. So I’m singin’ these three‑dollar blues, ’cause the math don’t match the meal.

Verse 1 — The Grocery Store Shuffle Well I walked into the market, pushed that cart like a man on a mission, and the clerk gave me that look — you know the one — the “baby, you ain’t eatin’ much tonight” look.

I said, “Ma’am, I’m tryin’ to cook one of them USDA three‑dollar suppers.” She laughed so hard she nearly fell into the onions.

So I went down the aisle, found one chicken piece sittin’ there like it was waitin’ for a rescue. Looked up at me like, “Brother… you sure you don’t want the whole pack?”

Then I grabbed one broccoli floret, just one, the loneliest little green tree in the whole produce forest. It whispered, “You know I’m supposed to have friends, right?”

And then — oh, mercy — I reached for one tortilla, a single floppy disc of sadness, lookin’ like it missed the rest of its family reunion.

🎶 Chorus One chicken piece, one broccoli, one tortilla… That’s what they tell me makes a meal. But when I rang it up at checkout, Lord, the price just didn’t feel real. So I’m singin’ these three‑dollar blues, ’cause the math don’t match the meal.

Verse 2 — The Checkout Breakdown I put ’em on the counter, watched the scanner blink like a slot machine that only pays out disappointment.

The total popped up: $7.42.

I said, “Hold on now — the Secretary told me this was supposed to be three bucks.” The cashier said, “Baby, that price must’ve come from a simulation, ’cause it sure ain’t from this store.”

I said, “You mean to tell me a single tortilla costs more than my dignity?” She said, “Honey, everything costs more than your dignity today.”

🎶 Chorus One chicken piece, one broccoli, one tortilla… That’s what they tell me makes a meal. But when I rang it up at checkout, Lord, the price just didn’t feel real. So I’m singin’ these three‑dollar blues, ’cause the math don’t match the meal.

Verse 3 — The Barroom Redemption So I took my sad little supper, walked out the door, and headed straight to the bar like a man who knows where salvation lives.

Sat down on that stool, looked the bartender dead in the eye, and said, “Give me something cheaper than my groceries.”

He said, “Buddy… that’s gonna be water.” I said, “Fine. Put it in a rocks glass so I can pretend I’m still a man.”

Then he leaned in and said, “You know, we got a special tonight — three‑dollar whiskey.” I said, “Now that’s a simulation I can believe in.”

🎶 Final Chorus One chicken piece, one broccoli, one tortilla… That’s what they tell me makes a meal. But the only thing that cost three dollars was the drink that helped me heal. So I’m singin’ these three‑dollar blues, ’cause the math don’t match the meal. Yeah, I’m singin’ these three‑dollar blues… ’cause the math don’t match the meal.

Related Posts